Depression isn’t real.

Depression isn’t real. It is made up. You just want to put your blame on a name to justify the fact you’re a lazy asshole. Depression is something made up by elitists who want people to think they are allowed to sit and scrounge off the benefits system.

Some people really believe that bullshit. There are living, breathing, feeling humans out there that are walking around (granted they have their heads shoved up inside their rectum), thinking that depression isn’t real.

I don’t feel ready or open to sharing some of the darker sides of my earthly experience just yet because frankly, it’s a bit devastating and I don’t think we’re on close enough terms 😂

But I am good friends with depression. I’ve experienced drug abuse, sexual abuse, alcoholism, anxiety, homelessness and a whole load of other shitey things. Of course I’ve struggled with depression too. It’s ok. There’s loads of us out there.

What is not ok is the mental health services in the UK. It is something I cannot understand, why isn’t depression treated more seriously?

One of the biggest killers in males is suicide.

In my small town alone of 30,000, where only 30% of people are under 30, I have known of 6 male suicides. All of them between 18 and 25.

In October 2017 the police referred me for counselling as I was suicidal. I was not contacted until December for an assessment phone call. I then received a follow up call from that in June and started counselling sessions in July 2018.

How is somebody who is suicidal casually expected to survive for 10 months?

The fact is, all we can do is fight through this. Love each other, check in on people and care, support people and try our best to be gentle and understanding because we never know what someone else is going through.

Which is all very well and good! But it isn’t enough. It isn’t enough to save everyone.

If you suffer with it, you know that depression is in your own head and everyone’s words are a blur. Nothing goes in. Nothing is absorbed. You are filled with dread and anxiety and yet you are empty, dead and numb.

So what can you do?

For people who are at breaking point, who have exhausted every direction, I just want to let you know that it is ok to give yourself a break.

We have to accept and allow, we have to trust and then we have to fight.

Accept and allow this hard time. Take that ever so hard to swallow pill and let it be. When something is not in your control, you can’t let it control you. You need to recognise that if there is nothing you can do about a situation then that is just how it is right now. Allow the path to take its course. Allow yourself to take a rest and to stop squirming! allow yourself the mental break, some peace and rest, trusting that this time will pass.

And you must trust that this time will pass. Time always passes. Things change. We all hit our own rock bottoms but life has to move forward, it has no choice. Trust that you have a life beyond today and a life beyond a year from now, this is what your path is and you must own it. It is yours. As much as we try to mould and force it our way, life has it’s own plans. Accept it, allow it, trust it.

And when you feel rested, your mind feels quieter, you have given yourself the time you need. Get up. You may not be in control of everything in your life but you are certainly the author. So go and write a few pages.

I am always here as someone to talk to. I try to make sure everybody in my life knows it. I am an open ear. I can only talk from personal experience but I believe that giving yourself rest, time, perspective and peace is the only way to pick yourself back up.

If you are suffering, you are not alone.

Samaritans UK: 116 123

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